


Improper use of magic in the bedroom

by Antares10



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Dorks in Love, Fluff, Humans Are Weird, M/M, Other, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Sans and Grillby are giant dorks, Undertale Monsters on the Surface, a lot of very very silly usage of magic to form all sort of impractical junk, also penis and vaginas are somewhere in there too, everybody is happy, listen, lots of laughter, magic used for sexy times except no sexy times actually happen, talk about monster sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 13:58:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17602643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antares10/pseuds/Antares10
Summary: Or: Sans and Grillby are dorks in love and deserve each other.OR: Me writing utter nonsense about Grillby and Sans talking a lot about boning but nothing actually happens except both of them being super silly with their magic.





	Improper use of magic in the bedroom

**Author's Note:**

> There was a conversation on the Sansby Discord Server that led to this. It's the most ridiculous thing I ever wrote. There might be glowing dicks included.

 

Monster were magical beings. That in on itself was a fact most people, a few years after the monster came back to the surface, knew and realized now. Sans however had made the experience that most people didn't understand what that actually MEANS.

 

Monster were magical, souls made of magic, compassion and love and their bodies made of magic and dust. Magic is what they were in their core and magic is what shaped their very being.

 

Sure, they could use magic to fight, magic to heal, magic to lift things and create things and to play pranks on humans that sneered at the new additions to society. But most humans didn't understand that magic was part of EVERYTHING a monster did. Magic was emotions, intentions. Magic was in food and in their language and in them growing and making memories and in their mind.

 

Human were always so surprised when they stumble about another thing that was magic for monster.

 

There were a lot of questions during the first year. Now it had dwindled down a bit but Sans could still see at least once a month a human leaning over the counter of Grillby's and asking the flaming bartender all kinds of invasive things.

 

How do they eat, how does Grillby bathe, why are his clothes not burning, what was under his flames? Sans knew most of the question, they were almost always the same for him. How does a skeleton move, how does he eat and see and feel and why does it look like he got a belly if there was nothing between his rips and his clothes?

 

The answer was magic to everything of course. It got old fast, just like everything.

 

When Sans had kissed Grillby in the bar during the anniversary of the monster coming back to the surface, all the regulars had cheered and clapped and Frisk had given him a thumbs up and Papyrus had even cried a bit for Sans not being lazy and actually taking the initiative. Sans had just grinned and beamed at the beautiful flame elemental whose flames shone brighter than ever in that moment and everything just seemed perfect.

 

Sadly after that a new round of questions set in.

 

“So... how exactly does this work?” asked a human, speech slightly slurred and Sans could FEEL their stare on him and he was really not in the mood right now. Sadly he was waiting up for Grillby. It was their date-night after all and Sans really didn't wanna let some human spoil that one for him.

 

“I am pretty sure gravity makes everything work.” said Sans, shrugging and hoping the human would leave it well alone. Sadly he had no such luck.

 

“I mean... you and the bartender. You're a skeleton, he's a flame...”

 

“Monster tend to not care how the other looks like.”

 

“No I don't mean that.” insisted the human. “I mean... how do you do the do?”

 

Sans blinked confused.

 

“... the do?”

 

“You know? The frick frack. Whohoo. The horizontal tango. The...”

 

“Stop, stop I know what you mean!” Sans stopped the human from talking further, magic paining his cheeks bright blue. “Why do you wanna know that?”

  
“I just... you are a skeleton! He's a fire!”

 

Sans just stared at the human for a moment. There were so many emotions rolled up in his soul that he couldn't really express any of them. It all just mixed together in some sort of exhaustion and resignation.

 

“... magic.”

  
“What?”

 

“It's magic. We are monster, we do things with magic!” Sans almost shouted out.

 

The human frowned, seemingly trying to think this through. They looked like they wanted to say something else but luckily Grillby was there and Sans could get out of there.

 

 

 

It wouldn't be the only conversation Sans suddenly had with humans about how monster did things for intimacy and fun and Sans did not enjoy any of them. It wasn't ALL bad thou. Some of them were actually pretty funny in hindsight. Especially when some humans tried to sell Sans their theories on how things should work in the bedroom.

 

It was not uncommon for Sans and Grillby to sit together in Grillby's bed in the evening, Grillby's arms around Sans, both of them cuddled to each other and enjoying the closeness and Sans telling the more and more amused Grillby about the latest human conversations about their love life.

 

“The last one asked if you pour oil on me and light me on fire.” Sans told him, giggling a bit while Grillby barely kept himself from laughing himself. “He... He asked if it's the same as humans dressing up in hot clothes. Like... dressing up in flames.”

 

Sans broke out in laughter, pushing Grillby into a fit of small chuckles and giggles before he could answer Sans. “What else?” Grillby asked, voice crackling with humor. “He thought you would dress me up with bones?”

 

“More like stick bones into you.”

 

“That sounds uncomfortable.”

 

“Well humans have that weird thing with bones going into bodies... they call it bone-ing each other.”

 

Grillby now really couldn't hold back now anymore. His laughter was deep and heavy, lava-like tears forming even at his eyes and his flames were flickering wildly, indicating just how gone in his laughter he was.

 

“B...Boneing!” he gasped out, holding onto Sans. “Do they have flame-ing too?”

 

“Just flaming hot.” chuckled Sans out, holding on to Grillby himself. “Not sure they envisioned quite that much fire with that...”

 

“Well then...” chucked Grillby, trying to get himself under control. “I am concerned about these humans that have so much fascination with getting bones into things.”

 

“What, jealous?” chuckled Sans.

 

“Well, if they are that crazy about skeletons, I will have to worry they would want to steal you away.”

 

“Eh, I just teleport away. I think I prefer flames.”

 

“Well I prefer you.” said Grillby, putting their foreheads together, still chuckling. “And you don't even have to put yourself on fire.”

 

He was rewarded with Sans chuckling and giving him a small peck.

 

 

 

Sometimes Sans gets a bit more... direct questions and theories.

 

“They think I'll make a glowing dick or a glowing vagina.” said Sans, death-serious, his head buried in Grillby's shoulder. “They think I make human junk just glowing blue and you go with it.”

 

“What do they think I make?”

 

“Oh they think you have a dick. Like a burning stick down there. Like... having it there always. Just being there.”

 

Grillby blinked very slowly at that, trying to process the theory.

 

“I am an elemental.” he said slowly. “A force of nature giving form. I am a soul and a core which is on fire and my magic keeps me in shape... why should I have a human piece of genitalia? Especially out all the time?”

 

“Well, elementals were once human summons, right?” asked Sans. “Maybe they think the humans made you guys to look like real humans?”

 

“But... why down to reproduction organs?”

 

“Humans are weird?”

 

“We can't explain everything with “humans are weird”, Sans.”

 

“Seems to work fine.”

 

Both of them shared a chuckle and a comfortable silence fell over them for a few minutes, just interrupted by the quiet crackles of Grillby's flames.

 

“So you ever made one?” Grillby finally asked after a while, making Sans blink.

 

“Made what?”

 

“A human dick?”

 

Sans started laughing at that, shaking against Grillby's form before sitting back and rubbing some laughing tears from his eyes. “Really now?”

 

“I am curious.”

 

“Na... I mean, I know how they look like but eh, not my style.” chuckled Sans.

 

“What? Not comfortable with human junk?” asked Grillby and Sans looked at him with a testing look.

 

“Is that a challenge?”

 

“Maybe?”

 

Sans grinned at Grillby and Grillby grinned back. Only minutes later they were sitting on the bed across from each other, clothes discarded and lights mostly dimmed down. Not that they really needed any lights with Grillby's flames on full display.

 

“First one to give up wins?”

 

“That or when getting the other to not be able to talk for five minutes.”

 

“Alright.”

 

Sans summoned his magic first, spreading his legs to make room for the shape he was forming. Grillby leaned a bit closer to get a good look at it.

 

Sans's magic did look like condensed blue light, slightly see-through and glowing just a tiny bit. Grillby liked it pretty much in fact and had told Sans a few times already he liked the color of it, especially close to his own orange flames.

 

The form Sans chose was... pretty basic. It was a pyramid. A tiny, pointy pyramid. Grillby chuckled at it.

 

“What's that?” He asked.

 

“The point of this whole excessive?”

 

Grillby chuckled at that again. “But not really original.”

 

“Do it better then, smart-ass.”

 

Grillby grinned at him and spread his own legs, coaxing his flames and yellow magic to form something between his legs too. Sans leaned forward to expect the forming shape when he broke out in giggles.

 

“Is that a bone?”

 

“It's not fair that you are the only one able to... bone somebody.”

 

Grillby was really proud of that one. Sans laughed heavily at it but still keep himself composed mostly. He did however still giggle when he winked at Grillby.

 

“Not I gotta top this!”

 

“Please do.” chuckled Grillby. “If you can.”

 

“Oh it's on!”

 

The next few minutes were spend with the creation of more and more ridiculous things. Sans formed a rubric's cube out of blue magic, Grillby formed a fork. Sans created a tiny dinosaur head, Grillby went for the shape of a phone charger. Sans honestly attempted to create a toaster but game up halfway through and just formed a slice of toast. A blue slice of toast, standing up and out. Grillby almost gave up at that point but recovered long enough to to make a hairbrush.

 

Both of them spend roughly five minutes figuring out of there was any pun or joke they could make about the hairbrush. They decided to move on from it.

 

Sans created a flashlight next but admitted that is was not the best. Grillby was almost sure Sans did a not so great one to cheer him up for the hairbrush. So Grillby made a butterfly, let the flame-butterfly detach form his body and fly off a bit and made a joke about the mood starting to fly out of the window.

 

It scored him a laugh and a kiss and Sans made a butterfly net next, apparently to recapture the mood.

 

“... you know we never came around to human stuff.” said Grillby after Sans made the butterfly net disappear.

 

“What, seriously?”

 

“I am kinda curious.”

 

“Well...”

 

“Would you? Just once?”

 

“Uh... I would but...”

 

“But?”

  
“I have no idea how they look like? I mean I saw DRAWINGS like humans seem to have like... the need to draw a penis on everything and anything but... uh... I got no clue how the real deal looks like?”

 

Grillby blinked at him and Sans just shrugged. So they paused their little competition for a moment to get Sans's laptop for some high quality late night googling. Finding dicks on the internet was surprisingly easy.

 

“You know, we should make a competition...” said Sans, grinning. “Who makes the best one?”

 

Grillby just laughed and agreed.

 

The results were pretty comically but well, they went into this for the laughs after all.

 

Sans had chosen to go for a more cartoon-y style, all smooth lines and adding little balls that were like... very ball-shaped. Grillby on the other hand tried to get his flames to stay in a nice shaft like form but it was rather difficult for him to give it any details beyond the overall shape. He did made it very very big however.

 

“Grillby, I am sure you could KILL somebody with that thing.” giggled Sans, going as fast as poking the head of Grillby's comically big penis.

 

“Well, from what I learned from humans, bigger is better.”

 

Sans laughed out again and after a while Grillby joined in, both of them holding each other while their magical dicks disappeared into nothing.

 

After calming down a bit and deciding it was still on, they went to try out the other set of human genitalia. Making a vagina was kinda interesting all things considered but both of them struggling to keep the shape up. Sans finally got his laptop again to search for metaphors for human female fun parts and they ended up circling though clamps, wallets, hot-pockets and flowers.

All in all it was a lot of fun but not quite the end point for their game yet.

 

Their creations did get a bit out of hand after that. There were various shapes, household items and a alarming lot of food-items via magic. Sans attempted to make a pineapple but made it kinda ridiculously big. Grillby at the same time decided to make a single, normal egg.

 

There was a beat of silence as Grillby started at the giant pineapple growing between Sans's legs, almost hiding all of Sans's pelvis bones from view, while Sans was just staring at the little egg made of flames.

 

“... this is the pineapple of creations.”

 

“Well this is just egg-celent.”

 

There was another beat of silence. Then Sans started grinning. Grillby begun chuckling. Sans started giggling which led Grillby to laugh for real. Sans was laughing harder, tears starting to run down his cheek-bones just as Grillby felt the first lava-like tears to fall too. And then both of them were laughing hysterically, magic and all forgotten and fell into each other, holding on to each other as they kinda got lost into the moment.

 

It took a long while until they calmed down and even longer until their labored breathing became normal again but there were still bright smiles on their faces.

 

“So... who won?” asked Sans when he could speak again.

  
“I would say... it's a draw.”

 

“Hmm... shame.”

 

“Looks like we have to... redo it then... at an later point.”

 

Sans grinned brightly at Grillby and nuzzled his skull against Grillby's forehead.

 

“I really really like that, Grills.”

 

“It's a date then.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, that's it. I hope you all had fun. 
> 
> Also we all know that these two won't get to anything close to the frick frack any time soon at that rate. They have way to much fun getting each other to laugh.


End file.
